Being a stepmama comes with its fair share of “momposter” syndrome.

One of the biggest things that has helped me is realizing when something is not just a “stepmom thing” but a “pretty much literally every mom ever” thing.

The first time I had a really big “aha!” moment when it came to this topic was after a social interaction during which the only reference I had for XYZ parenting thing was my own childhood. This was probably close to two years ago now, so I don’t remember what XYZ thing was. What I do remember is feeling foolish after a group of parents had been talking about sixth grade kid things and my only contribution was something from my own 6th grade experience.

I felt embarrassed and expressed this to my husband afterwards. I asked if I’d looked like the silly young stepmom who didn’t know what she was doing. He hadn’t noticed anything odd about the conversation, God bless him. I don’t mean that in a sarcastic Southern “bless his heart” way, or a “men don’t notice things” way. (My husband notices EVERYTHING; I think he is some kind of savant. And his is honest with me when he has feedback.) I mean that in more of an “I get retroactively overthinker-y and weird and embarrassed over things other people don’t notice in social situations” way and my sweet, calm husband tells I don’t come off as totally outlandish and out-of-line as I often think I do.

It was after this conversation that it hit me: EVERY first-time parent has nothing but their own childhood (or maybe books, parent friends, etc.) as a reference. This wasn’t me being “just” a stepmom.

This was me being a first-time parent of a sixth grader. It may have looked different for me, as I was only a half-year into my parenting journey. However, just like many of the other parents present, it was also just my first time having a sixth-grader.

It seems so obvious now, but every mom has a first child. Every parent has the first time that their first child is in sixth grade. Heck, at this point, it was my husband’s first time with a child in sixth grade—and he is that at-the-time-sixth-grader’s biological parent! WOW! Mind blown.

I would be lying if I said this was the last time I had stepmomposter syndrome, but it was certainly one of those moments where the penny drops, and I have been reaching for that penny ever since.

Now, in situations where I start to get down on myself and find myself thinking, “I probably don’t know how to do this because I’m just a stepmom; a real parent would know,” I challenge that negative voice in my head.

In conclusion, I hope this helps anyone who has ever experienced that nagging insecurity that they don’t instantly know allllll of the parenting things because they are “only” a stepparent. It has certainly helped me to remember that biological parents all have a slew of similar “firsts” and are all just figuring it out, too! And no matter what type of parent we are, if we are being the best parent we can be, we are taking our questions, fears, hopes, and dreams regarding our parenting and our children to God, always.

Matthew 7:8 | Proverbs 9:10 | 2 Corinthians 12:9