I have a confession to make: three quarters of a year later and I still have the occasional wave of bitterness over the bar prep questions—one in particular— that talked about stepmothers.

Now, before I start spewing my trauma on the internet (kidding! kind of) let me get my lawyer disclaimer out of the way and tell you that none of this is legal advice, I am not your lawyer, and my blog is not affiliated with the Florida Bar, any Bar prep company, or any organization in the legal space.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you what is on my heart. I will take you back to a very brutal June of 2023, in my study corner of my husband’s and my bedroom, at my desk.

My Bar prep multiple choice fact pattern went something like this:

Daddy gets widowed in middle to older age. He was such a Wholesome man, that Daddy. He even loved hiking (and hiking is the epitome of being wholesome, don’t ya know?!).

One day after the death of Wholesome Biological Mama (who is obviously wholesome, because she was a same-aged biological mom and those are clearly always wholesome! duh!), Wholesome Daddy, meets Golddigging Younger Woman. Younger Woman was obviously evil and has malicious intent (because never in a million years did a wholesome woman fall in love with an older man for legitimate reasons! duh!)

Was he a kind man? A good Christian? An absolute dynamite lay? Was his bald spot a little fetish-y in a way she couldn’t quite put in words? Did he understand her? Did he see the depths of her very soul and love what he saw, as opposed to turning away his eyes like all the men before? Was the only gold she craved his Midas-like touch, which held her paralyzed in his presence from the first time he ran a thick finger up her arm?

Girl, don’t you go asking silly questions now! None of those things matter because OBVIOUSLY younger women only EVER want older men for their money. *shakes head at your naivety for even asking*

So, the writing was on the wall (and in stark black and white print of my Bar prep book pages)…

The Bar prep problem concludes thus: Golddigging Younger Woman marries Wholesome Daddy, starts acting sketchy, but churns out a baby nonetheless. Wholesome Daddy then dies and the fact pattern implies that Younger Woman murdered him, but doesn’t come to a conclusion on whether she actually did.

So, dear Reader, who inherits what? What percentage does Golddigging Younger Woman get? And what about her baby, and her three grown stepchildren? Oh and should you apply the Dead Man’s Statute or is this a red herring because she didn’t get caught? Mmmm? What do you think, dear Reader… dear stressed out Bar Taker… dear Younger Woman? A, B, C, or D? Not sure because your already cortisol-logged heart just sank into your stomach? That’s fine, we’ll wait!

I can still feel some residual shame and anger wash over me. I don’t know why the shame… perhaps because the whole fact pattern just made me feel DIRTY… Maybe because I still feel a little sorry for myself and then I feel grossed out for feeling sorry for myself? Poor Maya, in the corner of the bedroom at her desk, wearing the same sweatpants I’d worn the previous three days in a row. Day four of the sweatpants, and day … day what of the depiction of all younger women, all stepmamas as generally evil. Year what of this narrative? Decade what of this stereotype? Century what of this crippling generalization?

If I still feel a bit sorry for my June self, I think it was because when I started reading the fact pattern and the two main characters met… I was HAPPY for them. It took all of three sentences for Golddigging Younger Woman to start appearing evil, but when I first dove into that problem, my heart had soared. I was so happy that Wholesome Daddy had found love after loss. I was happy that Younger Woman had found love—and I could relate to her. That is, I could relate to her for all of three sentences, before that ill-fated fact pattern added insult to injury. (Is it dramatic to call Bar prep, as a general rule, two months of “injury”? I am guessing all my attorney readers will be fine with that classification…)

It was just… it was another one of THOSE in a moment when I didn’t need another one, you know? There had already been other similar Bar prep questions. There have been similar characters in books, movies, TV shows, the list goes on.

I realize there are some such characters in real life. I realize there are some Golddigging Younger Women who’ve inspired the stereotype. But what about the rest of us? Is our only representation Legally Blonde’s Defendant slash Workout Queen Brooke? Now, I would like to see some more of THAT. I would like to see a Bar prep fact pattern where, like Brooke, the fact pattern’s stepmom character’s vibe is, “Um no, I didn’t marry him for his money; I was already rich off my workout tapes. Do you want to better understand? Let me show you a picture of his…”

Wellllll, I suppose you can’t put THAT in a Bar prep fact pattern, now can you? 😉

Okay… I feel better. Until next time, my kind, beautiful, talented, brilliant, and WHOLESOME Bonus Moms and Stepmamas!